I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
