So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
