I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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