it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
