Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
