My room smells like vodka and shame
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
