Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
