i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize