when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
