well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
