The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
