now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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