His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
