I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize