i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
