maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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