dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
