I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
