Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
