I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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