I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
