I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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