What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
