I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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