There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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