sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
