He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
