You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
