By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
