I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
