is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
