She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
