this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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