Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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