I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you didnt know i had herpes?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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