Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
