If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize