One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
