On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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