I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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