What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
