I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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