OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if i died would you start the facebook group?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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