i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
