I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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