Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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