Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
