I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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