Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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