I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
