Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize