I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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