Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
