There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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