yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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