Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
