And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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