guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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