Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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