If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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