My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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