You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
