time to smoke my breakfast
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
