We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
