my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We had to coat check the pizza.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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