i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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