That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
