he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
