I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
