Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
