we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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