Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
