I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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