oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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