Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
