Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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