You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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