please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize