The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
