i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
