What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
