She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
