He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
