If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize