ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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