so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
