quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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