Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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