it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
