dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
