Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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