That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
