I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
