He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
