I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
