We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
