Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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