Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
