I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
