I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize