I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
