There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
