Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize