So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
