are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize