I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
