I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
