just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if only i could text you this smell
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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