I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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